I AM TRYING ONLINE DATING AGAIN BUT I AM CONVINCED I CAN DO IT SMARTER AND SANER THIS TIME.
Here here. Can we pour one out for the relationships that died last year? Many couples who saw each other only on evenings/weekends during non-covid times who were then forced to be in eachothers space 24/7 during lockdown….. realized their partner was actually not the right fit for them. And do you know what this means? Asses got dumped. And do you know what THAT means?
YES MORE ASS FOR THE REST OF US!
I wasn’t planning on doing any more online dating. Like, ever again. Because every time i do, I end up going totally insane somehow. But when I realized how many freshly dumped single dudes there must be out there in 2021 , I decided to return to see what was on the shelves. The only problem I had was: HOW DO I PREVENT MYSELF FROM GOING INSANE AGAIN?
After some lengthy processing, I came up with some methods for preventing burn-out on the site. I’ve been practicing them for about a month now, and I am happy to report I’m not insane. (not yet!).
1- LIMIT YOUR TIME SPENT ON THE DATING SITE.
Select a time that seems reasonable for you to respond to/write messages/swipe right-or-left, and stick to it. I do 30 minutes a day. This means, no idly swiping while bored, no writing 8 page letters to strangers, no editing your profile every single day…No returning messages the moment they come in. The more time you spend there, the more overwhelming it will become. And you have a life to live, and friends to see.
2- MOVE ON TO THE NEXT QUICKLY IF THEY DON’T MAKE A MOVE.
I used to do all the work. Ask all the questions, initiate and set up the dates; It never worked out well, and I felt insane. Now I am lazy and I let my laziness work for me. If someone I’m messaging can’t volley back a question or a proposition for a date, I just let the exchange fall dead and move on to someone who can show some hustle.
3- DON’T GIVE THEM YOUR PHONE NUMBER UNTIL THE DAY OF YOUR DATE
This is more about protecting your time than your safety. How many times have you given your number to someone on a dating site before you met them, and suddenly they are texting you daily updates on their dinner, or asking you how your day is going when you’re very busy doing other things? Wait until just before you meet them (so you can coordinate logistics) before giving your number. Your time is valuable.
4- KEEP IT TO THREE
Look, I know it’s exciting to be messaging several hotties at once. But it can also be overwhelming! There’s also a good chance you’ll a: confuse one of them with the other at some point or b: half-ass yourself by giving the bare minimum and bitches know when you’re half-assing. Think of a good manageable number for yourself (for me it’s three or less) to be actively messaging. And try to stick with it. If you remember rule # 2, you’ll do just fine. Don’t waste your time trying to push that dead meat around on your plate.
5- MOVE ON QUICKLY IF YOU ARE REJECTED
If you do manage to make it to a date with someone, congratulations! If that someone isn’t following up with you in a day or two after the first date, to make another plan…Or if they seem less than enthused to see you again. If it feels like you’re doing all (or most of) the initiating/messaging???? Move the fuck on to someone who’s actually excited about seeing you! And do it quickly. It’s way better than brooding over your perceived flaws.
That’s all I have for now! Good luck to my fellow singles! May you mop up all the good quality ass that was left on the curb last year. 🙂
Updates! The above technique did not work.