I  AM TRYING ONLINE DATING AGAIN BUT I AM CONVINCED I CAN DO IT SMARTER AND SANER THIS TIME.  

Here here. Can we pour one out for the relationships that died last year?  Many couples who saw each other only  on evenings/weekends during non-covid times  who were then  forced to be  in eachothers space  24/7 during lockdown….. realized  their  partner was actually not the right fit for them.  And do you know what this means? Asses got dumped. And do you know what THAT  means? 

 YES MORE ASS FOR THE REST OF US!  

I wasn’t planning on doing any more online dating. Like, ever again.  Because every time i do, I end up going totally insane somehow.  But when I realized how many freshly dumped single dudes there must  be out there in 2021 ,  I decided to return  to see what was on the shelves. The only problem I had  was: HOW DO I PREVENT  MYSELF FROM GOING  INSANE  AGAIN? 

After  some  lengthy processing, I came up with some methods for preventing burn-out on the site. I’ve been practicing them for about a month now, and I am happy to report I’m not insane. (not yet!).  

1- LIMIT YOUR TIME SPENT ON THE DATING SITE.  

Select a time that seems reasonable for  you to respond to/write messages/swipe right-or-left, and stick  to it. I do 30 minutes a day. This  means, no idly swiping while bored, no  writing 8 page letters to strangers, no editing your profile every single day…No returning messages  the moment they come in. The more time you spend there, the more overwhelming it will become. And you have a life to live, and friends to see.  

2- MOVE ON TO  THE NEXT  QUICKLY IF  THEY DON’T MAKE A MOVE. 

I used to  do all  the work. Ask all  the questions, initiate and set up the dates; It never worked out well, and I felt  insane.   Now I am  lazy and I let my laziness work  for  me. If someone I’m messaging can’t volley back a question or a proposition  for a date, I just let the exchange  fall  dead and  move on to someone  who can show some hustle.  

3- DON’T GIVE THEM YOUR PHONE NUMBER UNTIL  THE DAY OF YOUR DATE  

This is more   about protecting your time than  your safety. How many times  have you given your number to someone on a dating site before you met them,  and suddenly they are texting you daily  updates  on their  dinner, or  asking you how your day is going  when  you’re very busy doing other things?  Wait  until just before you meet them (so you can coordinate  logistics) before giving your number.  Your time  is valuable. 

4- KEEP IT TO  THREE 

Look, I know  it’s exciting to be messaging several  hotties at once.  But it can also be  overwhelming!  There’s also a good  chance you’ll  a:  confuse one of them with the other at some point or b: half-ass yourself by giving the bare minimum and bitches know when you’re half-assing. Think of a good manageable  number  for yourself (for me it’s three or less) to be actively messaging. And try to stick with it.  If you remember rule #  2, you’ll do just fine.  Don’t waste  your time  trying to push that dead  meat around on your plate. 

5- MOVE  ON QUICKLY IF YOU ARE REJECTED 

If you do  manage to  make  it to a  date with someone, congratulations!   If that someone isn’t  following up with you in a day or two after the first date,  to make another plan…Or  if they seem less  than enthused to  see you again. If it  feels like you’re doing all (or most of)  the initiating/messaging???? Move the fuck  on to someone who’s actually excited about  seeing you! And do it quickly.  It’s  way better than brooding over your perceived  flaws. 

That’s all I have for now!  Good luck to my fellow singles!  May you mop up all the good quality ass that was left on the curb last year. 🙂