Look, I won’t lie. Some of this election shit is really getting to me. I keep expecting to wake up from the nightmare that an Angry Neon Orange Man is running for president (and winning in primaries!) BUT I NEVER DO. It’s real life!
So, on weekends, as a favor to my sanity, I make a concerted effort not to look at political articles about the election, ESPECIALLY THE KIND THAT HAVE COMMENTS because I’m addicted, it seems, to being horrified by how horrible people can be to each other in online forums.
One of the main benefits of media fasting on weekends, is it helps fortify my failing sense of humor. Take this phone conversation from last night, with my BFF Adriana in Los Angeles.
Me: What do you think about Hillary not wanting to debate Bernie in New York?
Adriana: I’m guessing she’s got bigger fish to fry and thinks it’s a waste of time. Since she’s likely going to be the nominee, she’s probably more focused on how to take down Trump right now.
Me: Ah, right. Well, that’s…… kind of presumptuous of her (note: both of us feel the Bern), but makes strategic sense.
Adriana: If she was smart, she’d just leave the country for a while, take an extended holiday and come back next January, after she’s been elected president.
Me: Yeah, she should go on a white lady spirit quest or something. Y’know, visit some shamans in Tibet, or sit in a sweat lodge.
Adriana: Take ayahuasca in south America, barf on her pant suit, and have big visions.
Me: Yeah! And when she comes back from visiting the Astral Ghost Coyote or whatever, she’ll be sporting a bindi, wearing flowing pants and telling everyone that her name is no longer Hillary Clinton but Hills Canyon.
Adriana: She’ll be like, 1,000 times more liberal than Bernie, because she’s had a spiritual awakening.
Me: She’ll move the White House to Berkeley and make our national flag a cannabis leaf. Awesome!
Meanwhile, in Facebooklandia, I ask the hard hitting question:
SHOULD MY MOTHER RUN FOR PRESIDENT AS A HILLARY CLINTON IMPERSONATOR?
It was all prompted by this post from my mom, yesterday.
Which led to this brilliant idea:
Conclusion: if you’re at the ballots, and your head is spinning cuz you can’t decide in the end who to vote for, remember, you can ALWAYS write my mom into your ballot on the existential ticket:
“Harriet. Standing proudly for nothing, and not afraid to say it. (Also, she’s hotter than Hillary). ”