Hey. Remember three weeks ago, when I made a half-assed comment on an ad for eyebrow gel on facebook, and it became THE MOST POPULAR COMMENT and then LEE FORD took over with her shitty comment and usurped me?
Well, I have updates:
- Lee Ford’s eyebrow gel comment is GONE. I know y’all are looking at me, but I have nothing to do with it. Seriously. I know I’m like a really big deal, and have great power and control over many minions who could Tonya Harding the shit out of Lee Ford, but I honestly had nothing to do with it. But am I glad? Oh hell yes.
- Despite the fact that none of my facebook friends can find the original link to the eyebrow-gel ad in question, my popularity on the comments page has been SKYROCKETING. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THIS IS.
3. A few super- lame bitches have been trying to start flame wars with me, on the comments section with the dumbest comments ever. For instance, Ms. Samantha Spears:
I gotta admit. This comment mystified me. “Just like your dreams.” How does Samantha Spears know about my dreams? Does she think “Revlon Brow Fantasy” is an actual, uh…..fantasy ? and not (as it is) a cheap eyebrow gel sold at Walgreens? If so, what kinds of brow fantasies could I possibly be having? Do I daydream about being nuzzled by a pair of friendly eyebrows? Does she wonder why, in lonely moments, I’ve drawn up several shakey prototypes of a body pillow-sized eyebrow that I can snuggle up to at night?
Then, there’s Kelcy Walton WHO SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED FROM EVERYTHING IN LIFE because she spells Kelsey with a C.
I’m glad that KelCy acknowledges the fact that nobody asked me. Asked me what??? I have no idea. For my opinions on brow-gel? For a detailed description of my spindly eyebrows that are the result of my mom shaving off my eyebrows as a child AND THEM NEVER GROWING BACK? (true story.) I have to assume, since KelCy neglected to include a comma, that she means “No one fkn asked Arlene ABOUT ANYTHING.” Which is true. Often, I feel like people should just ask me. About anything. Because I can answer stuff. About anything. Thanks, KelCy! (PS: congratulations on all your hundreds of FB engagement photos! That must have taken a lot of work. Glad to know that your fiance still loves you, even though you troll eyebrow-gel ads )
So there you have it, everyone. Stay tuned for more!
The Dark Awkward 