Category Archives: Uncategorized
Dad’s Crab Dinner
On Valentines Day, 1994, my dad called us from work to tell us he got a job promotion. “Hell yeah, we’re going to celebrate tonight!” shouted my mom, as she hung up the phone. My sister and I cheered, … Continue reading
War on the Roses
Last year, I spent a whole day in the back yard trying to evict the roses from their hard, drought-cracked beds. My goal, (I guess) , was to plant vegetables or succulents in their place. something useful, something hardy. And … Continue reading
Are you always that scary?
Usually, when I get a message on OKCupid like the one below, I just ignore. I pretty much ignore everybody who writes me, unless it seems like there’s a fraction of a chance that they might not suck. Which turns … Continue reading
Why yes. My cat DOES have big balls. Thank you for noticing.
A few months ago, I adopted a new cat. He’s an orange, 3 year old tiger-stripe named Willis; former feral gang member turned shelter staff favorite. I adopted him through the fantastic Cat Town Cafe, where my roommate volunteers. (Of … Continue reading
I’m still so popular on Facebook. But why?
Hey. Remember three weeks ago, when I made a half-assed comment on an ad for eyebrow gel on facebook, and it became THE MOST POPULAR COMMENT and then LEE FORD took over with her shitty comment and usurped me? Well, … Continue reading
Deconstructing Dickweeds on OkCupid
I have had what you could call, a tumultuous long-term relationship with online dating over the last several years. (Here’s an old blog I kept of some of my horror dates) Sometimes it’s great, and I meet someone cool. Other times, I … Continue reading
Market Hall freaks me out
Much like the Original Berkeley Bowl, Market Hall in Rockridge totally freaks me out. I guess I sorta believe in all that feng shui shit. I mean, in the sense that…certain kinds of store layouts and aisle design can … Continue reading
Lee Ford, you’re going down
I’ve done some pretty wacky things to get attention on the internet in my day. I’ve sexually propositioned Nigerian spammers. I’ve forced hapless roommates into meatball costumes and then force-fed them tomatoes, while filming them. I’ve stripped to a … Continue reading
Naked, afraid and stumbling
Hey kids, here’s another spa story. Last year, I made the mistake of forgetting my contact lenses for a spa trip. Because of this error, and because of my Mr. Magoo-level nearsightedness I was left with two rather bleak choices: … Continue reading
An old woman farted on me at the spa (and I totally deserved it)
Okay. Let me preface this story by saying, I am always painfully aware of, and and polite to old people. I always offer my seat on the train, and I have gone out of my way to help older … Continue reading
The Dark Awkward 